id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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