My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
