i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize