Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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