when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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