dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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