just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
