am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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