Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
