My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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