it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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