Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
