You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
