This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
