can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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