There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
