I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
