Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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