plz talk dirty to me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize