Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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