I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
