You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
