I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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