Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
