I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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