He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
