Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
This house was built for laser tag.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
