You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
