dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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