coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
