we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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