the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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