I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
