Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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