sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize