just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
