She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize