you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
