Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
