My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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