I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
