He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
