Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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