I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
