so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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