she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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