he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
