I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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