SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize