Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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