Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
