She is in my trunk
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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