Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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