did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
