im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
