omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
