Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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