o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
