Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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