My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
