3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
