what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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