Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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