I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
