apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
