you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
