He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
