I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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