the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
