So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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