We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
third nipple confirmed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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